A day in the life of not so everyday Zim
by niflicious
Summary: Zim's life is forever changed with one out of the ordinary day


Every morning Zim, the Irken alien invader, wakes up to his crazy robot Gir. He awaits an insane day of invasion attempts and routines that will continue on into infinity.

Then on to his next normal routine that has been only since his deployment to Earth, his wrist cutting and swearing hexes onto Dib, his arch nemesis, under the bleachers at skool. First he has to get Gaz, Dib's sister, for their shared emo time to see their results for the,"Who's blood is darker?" contest. His day is filled with miscellaneous plotting of doom, along with some pretending to be human, taunting Dib, ordering Gir around, "learning" at "skool", and repeat calls to his tallest. At night Gir watches his monkey cartoons and eats all the stuff Zim will allow him to get his hands on. Meanwhile Zim is looking up suicide techniques to try with Gaz, some homicide ones for Dib, and new ways to destroy the human race.

But this is not every day

"What the heck? Gir did you just shove slices of pizza in my underwear drawer?"

Zim had just walked in on his pet robot dog feeding his drawer piggy.

"Gir"

"Yes master", Gir replied with his obedient face on.

"How about you get out of my room"

"And do what? Ooh ooh ooh! I could make you some waffles! Or maybe I could go make your tallest angry! Yeah that would make me feels warm and fluffy inside!"

"Ugh" Zim lay down on his useless bed

"Master, master is you hibernating like my monkey?"

"No Gir, no I am not hibernating. I am an alien and not a human or anything with any association, other than my need for total annihilation, to humans."

"Oh alright then. Wait, I had something important to tell you. I think it had something to do with biscuits, or maybe kittens. I like kittens."

"Gir if you don't mind I am trying to use the suffocation method to kill myself."

"But master… wouldn't that leave me here alone with no body but myself and my piggy and my monkey and my bear and my koala and my"

"Gir, stop. Okay I do not think you will be lonely with all of your animals that you have collected over the years. Now if you would please leave me to becoming a pale lifeless blob of Irken."

"Oh yeah! That reminds me, your girlfriend is here Zim! She brought me a pizza, I fed it to my piggy like you saw; my piggy likes eating pizza."

"She is not my girlfriend Gir, we are emo buddies. May I repeat; emo buddies, not a couple." Zim slouched up and defiantly thudded over to the door. There she was, Gaz in her black skull frock, purple striped leggings, and her spiky violet hair. She was the only human companion that Zim would ever think of having. They both wanted the world to end, implying that the human race would be destroyed, they both were suicidal, and hated Dib. Oh what a wonderful couple Zim thought they could be.

"Hello Gaz" Zim said sheepishly

"Hey" She said uninterestedly

"I see you have your gaming device" he said trying to make small talk

"I know you like me"

"HUH?" *cough* "No you are a disgusting earth life form, human."

"There's no point in lying, I can tell when you are lying."

Zim shrugged

"And I feel the same, we would be an amazing couple and we could take down Dib and then the world. So you are going to take me to Bloaty's Pizza Hog tonight at seven."

"Fine but I am not paying"

"Neither am I"

"Okay, so we will be going to Bloaty's and eating stolen pizza."

"Yes"

"You shall get out of my house now and I will not see you until seven o clock tonight"

Gaz left while playing her game console and chewing gum

"Can I come toooooo!" Gir screamed at the top of his lungs from two inches away.

"No Gir this is what humans call a date. And about earlier, Gaz is now my girlfriend."

"I'm gonna make you a happy cake. It'll be happy. And sparkly, and colorful. Ooh ooh I'm gonna draw you a picture too!"

"Gir you can do anything you want as long as you leave me to my being."

"Okay!" Gir skipped off holding his little stuffed piggy that he just fed pizza to in the drawer.

Zim started his daily plotting of doom that exact second. Today was a cloudy day, not storm clouds, but not fluffy white clouds either; they were gray and thick but no rain was being poured. This started the tiny cogs moving in his head. Then he thought about earlier, when he tried the suffocation method of suicide. The clouds were thick and so if he brought them down from the sky it would suffocate everyone, but if he gave Gaz a hazmat suit then they could live emo together forever. So he got computer to start working on laying down a cloud magnet grid directly under the earth's crust. Once computer had finished its task Zim called his tallest.

"My tallest!" Zim screamed at the monitor

The tallest never enjoyed getting a call from Zim, the accidental invader.

"What request, idea, or failure, do you have for us today?"

"Today I, Zim, the invader of Earth, have put down a magnetic grid that draws all clouds to the planet's surface! Today the clouds are thick so it shall suffocate every single human on this tallest forsaken planet! Except for the one life form that I believe could help us Irkens in invading the whole entire universe!"

"You have befriended a human and have given away your identity! Well you are Zim. Well we can't do anything now so why don't we just allow this monstrosity to help us… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No we will murder her and break your heart, but only after you develop a strong relationship. Just kidding, I do not know what we will do so just live how you are right now. Oh yeah, and go ahead with your plan. Tell us how badly you fail afterwards."

So Zim did just that.

He delivered Gaz her hazmat suit, just in case, God forbid, his plan worked. He returned to his house with Gaz and Gir and turned his computer on.

"Computer!"

"Yes master"

"Start up the cloud magnets."

"Processing request. Initiating cloud magnetizing system. Cloud magnets on."

"Gaz! Do you have your suit on?"

"Yes Zim I do have it on, I will be living on our date."

"Good"

Zim, Gir, and Gaz went outside and watched the clouds slowly creep lower and lower towards the ground. Dib, noticing the slowly approaching clouds, ran to Zim's lair. This meant the group got a front row seat to the plot's first victim. Once the clouds reached the top of the house the air started to get thick. Then it crept to the top of the window, the door, Zim's antenna, and then Dib's face. He started to turn red, then purple, then blue, and then pale white announcing his death. Had what they just witnessed been true? Had Zim's plan really worked, for the first time?

"What?" they all said simultaneously. Everyone had a shocked look on their face, not absorbing what just happened yet. Zim ran inside and down to the lab with Gir and Gaz on his tail. Zim turned on the video chat with the tallest.

"My tallest! My tallest!"

"We know your plan failed and the clouds didn't come down or they weren't as thick as you thought."

"No, it did work. Every human has died and the planet is left for Irkens! And this is my human companion Gaz."

"Really? Well Zim we are very proud of you. You can bring your companion back to your home planet."

"We will leave tonight after our… um… what humans like to call date."

"Well okay we shall see you within a few days. Have fun with your, I believe humans call it," girlfriend" on your "date"."

Zim ran to the control room and turned off the magnets. He told Gaz that it was okay to take the suit off now and allowed her to go home to prepare for their date. Zim got on his best Irken invader suit, his everyday clothes, and brushed his wig fancifully. He even got a pair of contacts that had blue irises, because Gaz loved boys with blue eyes.

They left for Bloaty's twenty minutes later. When they reached the store Gaz went into the back of the store and pulled out a bitten into pepperoni and cheese pizza. They choked down the pizza so quickly that there was no time for conversation.

They returned to Zim's house and found Gir eating waffles. There was no shock anywhere in the room.

"Gir grab your most prized possessions and pack the ship, we are leaving."

"Gaz when we arrive at our new home I will supply you with all necessary items."

Gaz nodded and followed Gir to the ship. Zim came along after informing the tallest that they would be leaving Earth and returning. They flew out into space and never looked back. Gaz and Zim were living emo-ly ever after.

Or so they thought. What Zim didn't know was that humans had a survival technique that had allowed the humans to appear dead when they were in a state of unconsciousness in between life and death. So all the humans woke up in a few hours just believing they blacked out and were all normal. Zim never returned and neither did Gaz. Nobody on Earth cared if they were or weren't there. No Irken was informed so nothing was done. Zim's invading needs were finally met and he never asked for another assignment. Gaz and Zim had little Irken/human babies to play with Gir. They were always emo and yet still happy because of that one day that Gaz and Zim went on a date and believed that all humanity died.


End file.
